It's the first day of school for my Bean, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only mother that didn't cry. It's not that I'm not an emotional person (yesterday I cried over the fact that he wouldn't clean his room...), but I was more excited FOR him to experience new things than for me to send off my first born offspring to school.
The journey begins...
Every adventure film I've ever seen as a child had those 3 exciting words. You somehow just new that when those words were either said or shown on the screen of our televisions, it was going to be an amazing movie that you'd talk about for weeks to come. I never knew those words could mean so much... In true movie buff/corny mother form, I looked at my 5 year old while we were sitting in the car waiting to go in,and told him the simple three words that got me excited when I was his age...and then I watched. I watched as my little bird puffed his chest out proud. I watched as the excitement glossed over in his eyes, and a smile plastered on his face...then it was time.
The walk to the classroom felt like it took one second, and I watched the hustle and bustle of other students hanging their stuff, parents helping them, parents taking pictures of their kindergarteners, proud yet teary eyed....I helped my not so baby boy take off his sweater, revealing his new Star Wars t-shirt that he picked out himself. I helped him take off his outdoor shoes and out on indoor shoes. I helped him to put his lunch box, and bottle of juice in the appropriate location and then I watched....
I watched him find his name tag, and find his assigned seat. I watched him colour the page already set on the tables, and I watched him get right to work filling the page with colours.
And just as it began to feel ok....he looked at me with big round smiling brown eyes and said 5 words....
"You can go now Mom..."
Shocked at how my 5 year old turned into a mini-teenager, I told him I'd be there to pick him up at 1:30 and I left. I left feeling happy, sad, proud. I left and my mind flooded with memories of his first word, and his first steps. Memories of the years before, and how we far we've come. I left confidently knowing that there wasn't anything in school that I haven't already taught him. I left knowing he was probably going to pick out the words he already knew during story time, and how he would drive the teacher insane with his interrupting, and comments.
I got into my car and thought for two seconds "what if he needs me?" I smiled at the thought of him sitting there, and the troublesome thought of him needing me quickly left my mind. I debated on getting coffee, picking up something for supper, how my grandmother was doing, how my grandfather was making out waiting for her. I debated, but I ultimately went home empty handed.
I came in to an even bigger shock, my youngest child, 2 years of age, hadn't made a mess. I wondered if she was sick, but cleaned what wasn't already clean, started the dishwasher, and put a ham in a pot to boil for supper. As I finished up, and sat down on the couch with some tea my mind began to wander once again... "Is this what it feels like to only have one kid?" "What do people with only one child do?" "Will it be raining all day?" Silly thoughts trying to pass the time...trying to make time fly by so it's finally time to pick up my oldest so I get the familiar feeling of having two kids again. It's amazing how slow time goes when you want it to fly by.
I never actually thought about how independent my daughter was until today. I feel unneeded. Almost Unnatural. It just doesn't feel right, I feel like someone had taken me to the centre of the earth and forgotten. As I calm my tired, worriness that doesn't make sense even to me I can only think one thing...
"This is the NEW normal."
I set my son off on an incredible journey, and cannot wait to hear all about his adventures. Adventures of every subject, math, music, reading. Adventures of lunch, and about who are what and what hilarious joke that other kid told. So many adventures....waiting to be experienced...and I'm so excited for him to experience everything. I didn't cry, I barely teared up. I'm excited for him to experience life as an adventure, something I've forgotten how to do...and try to remember how old I was when I stopped treating my life like an adventure. I wish I could turn back time and figure out when....but instead, I'd much rather watch him.
I hope he never looses his excitement. Excitement for life and for adventure.
The journey begins...
Every adventure film I've ever seen as a child had those 3 exciting words. You somehow just new that when those words were either said or shown on the screen of our televisions, it was going to be an amazing movie that you'd talk about for weeks to come. I never knew those words could mean so much... In true movie buff/corny mother form, I looked at my 5 year old while we were sitting in the car waiting to go in,and told him the simple three words that got me excited when I was his age...and then I watched. I watched as my little bird puffed his chest out proud. I watched as the excitement glossed over in his eyes, and a smile plastered on his face...then it was time.
The walk to the classroom felt like it took one second, and I watched the hustle and bustle of other students hanging their stuff, parents helping them, parents taking pictures of their kindergarteners, proud yet teary eyed....I helped my not so baby boy take off his sweater, revealing his new Star Wars t-shirt that he picked out himself. I helped him take off his outdoor shoes and out on indoor shoes. I helped him to put his lunch box, and bottle of juice in the appropriate location and then I watched....
I watched him find his name tag, and find his assigned seat. I watched him colour the page already set on the tables, and I watched him get right to work filling the page with colours.
And just as it began to feel ok....he looked at me with big round smiling brown eyes and said 5 words....
"You can go now Mom..."
Shocked at how my 5 year old turned into a mini-teenager, I told him I'd be there to pick him up at 1:30 and I left. I left feeling happy, sad, proud. I left and my mind flooded with memories of his first word, and his first steps. Memories of the years before, and how we far we've come. I left confidently knowing that there wasn't anything in school that I haven't already taught him. I left knowing he was probably going to pick out the words he already knew during story time, and how he would drive the teacher insane with his interrupting, and comments.
I got into my car and thought for two seconds "what if he needs me?" I smiled at the thought of him sitting there, and the troublesome thought of him needing me quickly left my mind. I debated on getting coffee, picking up something for supper, how my grandmother was doing, how my grandfather was making out waiting for her. I debated, but I ultimately went home empty handed.
I came in to an even bigger shock, my youngest child, 2 years of age, hadn't made a mess. I wondered if she was sick, but cleaned what wasn't already clean, started the dishwasher, and put a ham in a pot to boil for supper. As I finished up, and sat down on the couch with some tea my mind began to wander once again... "Is this what it feels like to only have one kid?" "What do people with only one child do?" "Will it be raining all day?" Silly thoughts trying to pass the time...trying to make time fly by so it's finally time to pick up my oldest so I get the familiar feeling of having two kids again. It's amazing how slow time goes when you want it to fly by.
I never actually thought about how independent my daughter was until today. I feel unneeded. Almost Unnatural. It just doesn't feel right, I feel like someone had taken me to the centre of the earth and forgotten. As I calm my tired, worriness that doesn't make sense even to me I can only think one thing...
"This is the NEW normal."
I set my son off on an incredible journey, and cannot wait to hear all about his adventures. Adventures of every subject, math, music, reading. Adventures of lunch, and about who are what and what hilarious joke that other kid told. So many adventures....waiting to be experienced...and I'm so excited for him to experience everything. I didn't cry, I barely teared up. I'm excited for him to experience life as an adventure, something I've forgotten how to do...and try to remember how old I was when I stopped treating my life like an adventure. I wish I could turn back time and figure out when....but instead, I'd much rather watch him.
I hope he never looses his excitement. Excitement for life and for adventure.
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